Twice I braved the dangers of that forbidden ruin, and twice lived to tell of it. Through scything blades and snarling beasts I passed until, reaching the very heart of that evil place, I found what I sought.

There, in the shrine of an ancient serpent god, was a battered and patinaed artifact—an SD card of tremendous power and storage capacity. On it, written in Khmer#^*, was the source code for this website.

Little did I know, the taking of that relic had its price. As my fingers grasped the device, I was sent reeling, driven to my knees by some unholy presence. The weight of this evil was immeasurable and I quailed, certain that my end was at hand.

But as quickly as it came, the shade withdrew. In its place kindled the spark of something else, something even more insidious: a Thirst.

At first it was nothing. A minor irritation. “A new hobby”, I said. Fun. I would make another syrup, procure a new bottle of rum, try another recipe from the memory card, and the thirst would subside for a time. But in months that would follow, it grew. Grew until I would wake in the night, finding myself in the kitchen, juicing limes. Researching napkins and reusable straws. Buying mugs on Ebay. Ebay!

As I contemplated a basement remodel, pricing out bamboo and lauhala matting, I knew the Thirst for what it was: a curse. I had transgressed against the Phaya Naga and was sentenced to a life of midcentury knickknacks and seedy liquor stores. And just as certain as I knew my fate, I knew that there was only one way to lessen its power over me: like an infernal chain letter, I had to pass it on to someone else.

That someone is you, dear reader. Yes, I am afraid that if you’ve read this far, it’s too late. You’re cursed. Sorry. But you might as well enjoy yourself, so head over to the Drink Finder and pick out something to take the sting off.

As for me, I think I’ll stick around. It turns out that even with more free will, an every day sort of thirst remains, and there’s nothing like ancient elixers for quenching it. Mahalo!

^*Khmer# is a 7th century proto-language ancestral to modern-day JavaScript